Embracing the Lost

Describe a decision you made in the past that helped you learn or grow.

When I became homeless the first time, I chose family.

The second time, I chose friends.

Left alone the third time, I had no one else but myself.

I decided to choose the version of me that would be a hero to the younger me.

A brave transgender woman fighting for justice, speaking truth to power, and bravely taking the knocks for it.

Because the important decision in that was to fight for others, not just for myself, but as a reflection of where we are, fight for what my younger self needed, what I needed, what I still need, and do so by striking for others. String and deep, strike at the heart of the issues.

That decision has been ever-unfilding since then, and before then when similar decisions were made. But it has forever changed my life to give it to others. Because when all else fails, choosing yourself means choosing the humanity that you share with others.

Share this and your own story, and join me at Twitch.tv/BriezyBee. Hmu on social, add me, help me elevate your story.

My sources and community mean the world.

Brienna’s American-English – IPA shorthand for journalism, ep1

No, not the beer silly duck!! 🦆

Tonight your host, Brienna Parsons, is beginning her first instruction in auto-pedagogical linguistics. Woohoo!

Join the Twitch.TV/BriezyBee stream for higher education and gaming. We’re doing another Pull That S*** Up University and everyone is invited. There may be cursing & local references made, so a particular audience is in mind, but this work is for everybody, so get in!

EMBED COMING SOON!

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Which Democratic candidates are staying on top of trans news? Here’s a slideshow answer:

Transgender issues such as the right to body autonomy aren’t solely a trans matter. Especially as the United States is inflamed regarding recent abortion bans, it’s a subtopic on the issue of body autonomy. Similarly, we can talk about discrimination against many people barring them from housing, education, healthcare, and other much needed services, while talking about a lesbian black trans woman’s rights.

For more info, see The Task Force’s article following Injustice at Every Turn.

Here’s the really quick, and far too short, slideshow of Democratic Presidential candidates that responded to recent news regarding Muhlaysia Booker, one of the three black trans women who faced ultimate violence in the past week:

#SayHerName

  • Michelle “Tamika” Washington
  • Muhlaysia Booker
  • Claire Legato

In November, ahead of Transgender Day of Remembrance, HRC Foundation released “A National Epidemic: Fatal Anti-Transgender Violence in America in 2018,” a heartbreaking report honoring the trans people killed and detailing the contributing and motivating factors that lead to this tragic violence. Of the more than 130 known victims of anti-transgender violence from 2013 to present, approximately two-thirds of those killed were victims of gun violence.

It is clear that fatal violence disproportionately affects transgender women of color, and that the intersections of racism, sexism, homophobia, biphobia and transphobia conspire to deprive them of necessities to live and thrive.

This epidemic of violence that disproportionately targets transgender people of color — particularly Black transgender women — must cease.

The Human Rights Campaign

All Your Meme-Pages are Belong to Dust: Why your groups went secret, the world is so polarized, and we should care more about trans people.

FACEBOOK GLOBAL —

Early Wednesday morning and throughout much of the day Wednesday, starting with groups local to Selatan a lone wolf actor in Indonesia launched a massive reporting and banning spree.

The group which won’t be named here, really a young man who won’t be named here had disagreed with a post in a meme-sharing group that appeared to ridicule one single ideology. After reporting until banning, the adolescent, 18, began reporting groups for content that seemed bigoted or did not agree with his ideology.

Expanding beyond Indonesia, the undertaking, with the assistance of Auto Reporter programs proliferated to other nations, time zones, beliefs, ideologies, and Facebook competencies whether they were pages, groups, or people.


Of the most affected groups were massive exchanges such as Crossovers Nobody Asked For and Tom and Jerry Cheeseposting, as well as niche meme and “shitposting” groups, pages, and people on all sides of the political spectrum.

At first, when bombarded by reports, especially here in the United States, the Right blamed the “@Democrats” and the Left pointed fault at the “Right-wing.” While one could spend the time to show the fallacies in these and similar blame-gaming across the world, the most important issue of our time is tolerance and communication. Specifically, this is an international issue regarding supremacy.


By definition

Before we can get into the nitty-gritty of this particular expression of ideological supremacy, let’s define a few things:

zeal /zēl/ noun

  1. great energy or enthusiasm in pursuit of a cause or an objective.

fanaticism fa·nat·i·cism /fəˈnadəˌsizəm/ noun

  1. a belief or behavior involving uncritical zeal or with an obsessive enthusiasm.

One can be fanatical about any belief or ideology, or, behavior or act. So one may be fanatical about anything: being a televangelist, a Republican, watching Football, or even working at the Krusty Krab flipping Krabby Patties. Fanaticism in ideology is where we’re going with this, regardless of how awesome Spongebob Squarepants is for his good-hearted zealotry.

Using Spongebob as an example though, what if he thought others were allowing their lives to stray towards some sort of inferior position, such as not liking Krabby Patties? Ignoring the fact that he still warned against Squidward’s fanaticism in this regard, what if Spongebob derided the Chum Bucket and not only shamed those that ate there (we’re pretending), but also actively attempted to dissuade, even calling the Chum Bucket inferior?

supremacy su·prem·a·cy /so͞oˈpreməsē/ noun

  1. the state or condition of being superior to all others in authority, power, or status.

What happens often IRL looks exactly like the above fictional situation. One difference however: in life, this kind of fanaticism turns to ideological supremacy and in turn devolves into limiting the rights of others and in the worst cases, violence. Thankfully, Spongebob couldn’t be driven so mad over Krabby Patties.


Humans and supremacy are a toxic couple with a well-detailed history. A couple of examples from the United States include the ideologies of White and Male Supremacy. Each group IRL has experienced some variance on this subject and while there are methods to create balance and equity on a governmental level it may not yet be known how to change it on a massive macro- or miniscule micro-scale.

radicalism rad·i·cal·ism /ˈradəkəˌlizəm/ noun

  1. the beliefs or actions of people who advocate thorough or complete political or social reform.

As I write this piece radicalism continues to evolve in various ideologies, and even shitposting groups. Worst of all is that this type of extremism can lead to violence. In most cases though, violent extremism is a restrictive act of religious ideologies such as those purported by Nazis and the Islamic State.

propaganda prop·a·gan·da /ˌpräpəˈɡandə/ noun

  1. information, especially of a biased or misleading nature, used to promote or publicize a particular political cause or point of view.

Memes and shitposts seem like harmless humor and fun, or even some way of finding community and building a nest of security when everything else may seem insecure and precarious. However, without being objective, a joke can contribute to only further the views enshrined in the image or post.

This happens subtly when Left-leaning feminists talk about how “men can’t have babies and therefore shouldn’t write laws about women’s wombs” to the dismay of trans men and women as trans men may be able to have kids but trans women may not have wombs. Thus an inclusive feminist can perpetuate an ideology inadvertently and share what could be used by trans-misogynists on the Right. So while it was based in the fact that, recently men in power have been limiting the autonomy of people with wombs, it mislead in that it erased the existence of trans people.

Similarly, people who identify as Right-wingers may not agree with FOX News, an engine of propaganda, yet they may without realizing it use many of their talking points as they lay out their disagreements with Democrats and their policies or beliefs. Striving for impartiality and being unbiased is a difficult task, and because of this makes the value of journalism that can do so clear. As individuals just sharing content, sometimes uncritically, we cannot at all be called journalists by the same standards, and thus we have don’t, and conversely may share a lot of shitposts.

meme /mēm/ noun

  1. a humorous image, video, piece of text, etc., that is copied (often with slight variations) and spread rapidly by Internet users.

shitposting shit·post·ing /SHitˈpōstiNG/ verb

  1. posting large amounts of content of “aggressivelyironically, and trollishly poor quality” as opposed to memes which are of better quality.

Both of these forms, memes and shitposts, while fun, and somewhat harmless, do have a way of indoctrinating others into beliefs and ideologies, because if there wasn’t some shared ideas already present, they wouldn’t be very funny, edgy, or trollish. These shared parts may include the following:

virtue signaling vir·tue sig·nal·ing /ˈvərCHo͞o ˈsiɡnəliNG/ noun

  1. the action or practice of publicly expressing opinions or sentiments intended to demonstrate one’s good character or the moral correctness of one’s position on a particular issue.

dog-whistle politics /dôɡˈ(h)wisəl ˈpäləˌtiks/ noun

  1. political messaging employing coded language that appears to mean one thing to the general population but has an additional, different, or more specific resonance for a targeted subgroup. The analogy is to a dog whistle, the ultrasonic tone of which is heard by dogs but inaudible to humans.

Bellingcat, “the home of online investigations,” last year published an article on the subject of memes which specifically focused on fascist activity. “From Memes to Infowars: How 75 Fascist Activists Were “Red-Pilled”,” reads into how one may learn a particular language of an ideology or culture and perpetuate it in memes and shitposts while diving deeper down the ideological rabbit hole. Yet, this isn’t only a Right-wing phenomenon, nor even solely an American issue.

Virtue signaling happens everywhere. It happens with references to pop culture and it happens when one says they graduated from such and such a college. It expresses an idea without needing to say it and that’s what happened Wednesday.

Without reaching out to admins or making an impassioned plea to have a particular post removed or a new respect for a particular religion involved in community standards, the boy that caused a chain of groups across the world to go dark, or switch to Secret, Invite-Only, reported the group until it was banned. However, he didn’t stop there. His belief-system had to be defended without a doubt and through a separate page, virtue signaled while performing these actions.

Those that are familiar already know far more about him than will be found here, because he not only reported that group but he set up a bot using the aforementioned method and caused pandemonium across the platform. What set him off? Similar to fascists discussed by Bellingcat: memes.


“The Facebook shitposting community is not safe,” “attacked,” “scared,” and
“legit upset,” were all responses from users across the world. At the end of the day, identity politics isn’t solely a phenomenon on the Left. Our communities, friends, jobs, education, nation, religion, race, language, ethnicity, and even memes are how we identify, and we can be fiercely defensive of our identities. This, not that.

So what can we do? Well, if you read this far you’re off to a good start. People who are violently, aggressively, or trollishly defensive of their own identities often have a hard time entertaining other opinions or memes, especially if they’re perceived as the opposition. For those of us that don’t believe there are sides, agree that the opposition solely consists of antisocial and aggressive or violent individuals, and believe in a someday of unity, the answer may be something very common to the transgender community:

How do you identify?

Personal Moment of Pride

The argument got so heated yesterday that I was yelling at this pro-Trump protester. A passerby, likely offended by my critique, went inside the building and complained to security. When security came outside, because of my past experiences, I tensed up. I was prepared to be misgendered and attacked based on my appearance, as well as being victimized by someone power-tripping.

Yet when he walked up to us, he informed us that a woman had complained about “a woman yelling outside.”

Woops. That was me.

But wait there’s more. No one batted an eye at my sleeping bag — perhaps because of the ridiculously high cost of housing in Arizona that’s left much of my path through the state littered and filled with the homeless. Still worse, some are veterans. Many more are just struggling to get by.

In the country as a whole, a person making minimum wage and working full-time cannot afford a rental anywhere in America. But it didn’t seem this bad in New Mexico…

Still, this isn’t what made me proud. Before I move on from the topic though, I doubt it’s something that can be answered in this article, say, as simple as finding the fault in resort communities for 55+ year-old retirees.
When security came outside, because of my past experiences, I tensed up. I was prepared to be misgendered and attacked based on my appearance, as well as being victimized by someone power-tripping.

Yet when he walked up to us, he informed us that a woman had complained about “a woman yelling outside.”

Woops. That was me.

But wait there’s more. No one batted an eye at my sleeping bag — perhaps because of the ridiculously high cost of housing in Arizona that’s left much of my path through the state littered and filled with the homeless. Still worse, some are veterans. Many more are just struggling to get by.

In the country as a whole, a person making minimum wage and working full-time cannot afford a rental anywhere in America. But it didn’t seem this bad in New Mexico…

Still, this isn’t what made me proud. Before I move on from the topic though, I doubt it’s something that can be answered in this article, say, as simple as finding the fault in resort communities for 55+ year-old retirees.

Nor was it the proof of Trump supporters’ cop out from reality. In this case, as soon as the cop came out, the protestor walked away. In a hurry apparently, because they were gone!

No. The prideful moment was before those last two. “A woman had complained about a woman yelling outside.”

There it was: validation!

In that moment, I could have cried. After all the struggles I’ve been through and wanted to scream, finally, I learned that I could. I could raise my voice and still be identified as a woman.

Let me say that again, for my friends whom wish me the best in my life:

I could raise my voice and still be identified as a woman.

A few first answers…

A waterfall of questions splashes the once-calm, reflecting pools behind their eyes.

“Where do you sleep?”

“How do you eat?”

“Do you hitchhike?”

“How do you pay for things?”

Everyone wants to know how they can be so free. How they can take their lives in both hands, as I have done, and travel the Earth as if it were all one giant community park. How they can escape the constant burnout and find fulfillment and meaning in their lives without the call to prayer or struggle for social justice.

I’m sure too, that in some way it seems a sort of return to roots, in a religious sense, leaving it to God and returning to Eden. Maybe for some it seems zen or something a Boddhisatva would do. For me, although in a way meditative and more peaceful, this isn’t at all my reasoning.

Strangers ask, “what does your family think?” I reckon they think the same about it as most people do: it’s antisocial and lonely, more or less homelessness, and downright different to a degree that’s recognizable. Dare we say; dangerously different.

I’ve always stuck out as unique and strange, among friends, family, and the majority of my peers, so as far as antisocial and lonely goes, I can’t say it’s a radical change for me. I always felt alone and misunderstood. At least now I can practice making myself understood in multiple American dialects.

I’ve made a lot of new friends as well, so, Ha!

Per the homelessness portion of that, there’s a lot to unpack there, and a much larger conversation about that topic to be had. There’s a lot of stigma around homelessness; period. To be clear, I’m camping and staying with other people who have travelled similarly, I don’t consider myself homeless, but maybe houseless.

To that also: I did my research before heading out and created a route. I track the weather, plan for resting, and follow a number of rules of my own in order to make it safer to rest, fast, be vegan, and walk hundreds of miles. I also downloaded a couple useful apps in addition to reaching out through Facebook groups.

First: Facebook groups. As a trans woman, I find other trans women to be immensely supportive and a good place to start in said groups. Basically, seek out your community wherever you’re going. Seven billion people live here; no matter what, you’re never alone. Find your religious sect, your brand of feminism, or, goodness, if you’re a Nazi, find your party.

Only after I’ve done what I could to find accommodations, etc. in my community did I download these apps. Start with your peers or community regardless of how you feel, you’ll feel a lot better with a reminder that you’re never alone.

Now, those apps you can download: Couchsurfing and Travello. The latter is still growing but it’s a nice way to meet fellow travellers before reaching an area, plus — is this a plus? — the creators are like Tom from Myspace, they’ll be the first to add you.

Couchsurfing on the other hand, I can’t recommend enough. It’s had more gestation time than Travello, for one. For two, there’s a lot more people actively using it.

There’s an initial membership fee for most of the services I’ll mention, but most if not all are very useful and completely worth the annual or one-time fees. In another article I’ll go into more detail regarding all of these services.

Before that, I must mention Wwoofing and HelpX. They’re both great places to look to to exchange accommodations and food for labor. Volunteering is a similar route, but may be less hands on than you’d like unless you’re working with a relief organization such as Habitats for Humanity.

That aside, you’ll find it’s pretty easy to pick up temporary work almost anywhere. A helping hand is often rewarded, even if you don’t want to be. However, plan ahead for those times that you’ll need the cash, plan a place to stay, and inform employers before they hire you, that it’ll be temporary in nature. Thankfully, and unfortunately, many entry-level positions are insecure jobs and only part-time, making much of your competition spread finely

That last point, as well as a discussion on this lifestyle’s difference from others, will be the subject of a future article. In that subsequent piece, the financial insecurity of today will be parsed out in regards to this. Spoiler alert: financial insecurity is more common now than cows’ milk in grocery stores.

What’s stopping you from living well and living well within your means?

National Get-Over-Seasonal-Depression Day

“Coincidence that National Compliment Day and National Peanut Butter Day are on the same day? I think not. May as well call today National Get-Over-Seasonal-Depression Day.”

From my personal Facebook.

Wednesday, Jan. 24, is National Peanut Butter Day and aside from the history of the day, there’s a pretty neat poll going on at Syracuse.com: Crunchy or Creamy? Which one is your dominant choice?

I personally enjoy chunky.

It’s also National Compliment Day however. Similar to World Compliment Day celebrated March 1, the United State’s holiday was started in 1998. For more about it, here’s the history.

Together the holidays at the end of January could be called National Get-Over-Seasonal-Depression Day.

During the winter months, a lot of people, maybe due to less sunshine and Vitamin D, or perhaps for other causes, feel depression. It’s also called Seasonal Affective Disorder.Counter-intuitively there’s actually less suicides in the winter than in early Spring, probably due to depressive lethargy.

Therefore not only should the date be National Get-Over-Seasonal-Depresion Day, but in fact it should be an educational holiday for getting over the disorder and staying over it, and any other instances of depression and suicidal ideation, as more active whether moves in.

I love peanut butter and I love compliments. It’s a win-win! However, these tactics may not be enough for getting out of a depressive state.

For instance, anecdotally, I was recently experiencing my own bit of depression. Not entirely due to the season, but more-so because of the state of my finances. I’m in debt and barely making it paycheck to paycheck, gig to gig, and I’m only just now getting a handle over how to not only make more money, but save more, spend less, invest better, and knock out debt.

Growing up, and especially as a confused and introspective and introverted transgender child  I attempted suicide a number of times. I’ve been taught several ways to handle that depression and the manic anxiety that it unleashes alongside suicidal ideation. Regardless, I feel like every bout with depression is a new one and learning to handle it is always a new fight, with no experience to work off of.

The best method I’ve found is not only simply feeling the emotions but to take ownership of them.

The other day my situation felt completely insurmountable, so I became depressed. I thought to myself, “I can’t hold back these tears, so I’ll give myself ten minutes to embrace them.” When ten minutes had passed, I had needed to get myself ready to go to a meeting, but I was shaking, so I poured myself a shot of liquid courage to wrap it up, and then got myself ready and set out.

I don’t recommend vodka to stop the shaking or to put a cap on the situation, but it was something that I knew would smooth over whatever was coming next. It’s important to take control over every part of your life in these situations. Not only give yourself a strict limit to tears, but also tell yourself, “Okay, that’s it, I’m done.”

Mindfulness. Is. Key.

If you’re not allergic to peanuts, there’s a great treat you can give yourself when you successfully overcome these kinds of situations. Honey Roasted Peanut Butter. YUM!

Positive reinforcement helps build better behaviors. For instance, if what you want to do is meditate to calm down, do that, and then make yourself some sweet tea or something that you like. Try to regulate this too though, because it needs to be a novelty to work.

Novelty moves the world.

It’s why we have holidays like National Compliment Day, and National Peanut Butter Day, or tomorrow’s Opposite Day. It’s the spice of life, and it’s what brands such as Taco Bell, Mountain Dew, and even Geico rely upon in order to sell more.

Treat your depression with novel methods, but always be in control. Mindfulness gives you the power that novelty bolsters but also takes away. Becuase you may not always be able to go to the park for a walk, or eat a spoonful of peanut butter, there’s only one thing, one person, who is always there: you.

And you are beautiful.

Manning: Whistleblower to Senator?

NORTH BETHESDA, Md. (AP) — Chelsea Manning intends to run for the U.S. Senate in Maryland, returning the transgender former soldier to the spotlight after her conviction for leaking classified documents and her early release from military prison. Manning, 30, filed her statement of candidacy with the Federal Election Commission on Thursday, listing an apartment…

via Chelsea Manning Files To Run For U.S. Senate In Maryland — CBS New York

About Me, #3: Transgender, 4 Pros, Cons

“For there are eunuchs who were born that way, and there are eunuchs who have been made eunuchs by others — and there are those who choose to live like eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. The one who can accept this should accept it.” — Matthew 19:12, New International Version

https://www.instagram.com/p/Banf2-cj3NG/?taken-by=briennaparsons

A young girl watches America’s Next Top Model Season Eleven (the one with Isis King no less!) on TV after school. A forlorn expression watches, enviously, bodies on a screen, as hers mimicks them on the runway. Putting one foot directly in front of the other and moving her barely teenage hips, she catches a slight snag, a pinch, and a pain — she adjusts her scrotum.

Growing up trans is the most confusing thing in the world. Don’t argue with me about this, because there’s no way that there could be anything more confusing than feeling like someone else, trying to be a second someone else, and ending up being a completely third someone else, while in the end, not at all being oneself. Just trying to explain this leaves me feeling dizzy.

It’s amazing having grown up and gone through all of that confusion, all of that subsequent anger, and holding so much resentment for so much, for so many people, and for so many years, and then finally, to turn on the TV one day and behold! There’s not only a famous Olympian on television openly transgender, but apparently kids too. Some of these children had the access to speak about how they felt and were supported in beginning their transitions at a young age — how absolutely marvelous!

I’m sure not many people experience having relationships with their family like these lucky kiddos. Personally, there’s a lot of people that I’ve lost contact with immediately following coming out to them as transgender. I often wonder what my life would have been like if my family had asked me about my gender at a young age and helped me in this way. Would I still be a journalist? Would I still have the same interests? Would I still be as strong as I think that I am?

The Elephant asks a lot of questions like this. Are you sure? What if? What if? What if?

delaware_river_night

It’s so strange. It’s so shamed. It’s incredibly scary.

Coming out, being authentic and being brave, in this unique way is a winsome, losesome (link has before-after pics!). Here, I would like to get out everything that I can on the topic of being transgender, the good and the bad. Once this introduction series is complete, I want to dive into trans topics and issues, and preferably be done with the intro portion of this blog.

The following section is a pro and con, reversed. It’s based solely on my own experience as a white-passing trans woman. Don’t worry though there’s plenty of outspoken trans and nonbinary people out in the blogosphere, so find them (Laverne Cox is my fave!), and read their stories because their narratives will be much different than mine, believe me.

believe-me

Saving the Best for Last: the Cons

  • Pronouns being disrespected.

    • There’s always those a******* that don’t care how pretty you look, or how you prefer to be referred to. You’ll step out of the house, the voice on fleek, and the look right off the runway (heels and all), and they’ll still say: “Sir.” or “He/Him.
      tumblr_m99xqjARWx1qlvwnco1_400
  • Medically transitioning is tricky

    • It’s completely up to each individual what their transition requires, but a lot of places require some sort of medical transition in order to legally transition. So whether you’re going on hormones to make up for what your body needs or you’re doing top or bottom surgery is completely up to you. There’s a lot of information out there, but not a whole lot of help in making sense of it all, nor is there an easy way to know if any of it is right for you, and even then the cost-versus-insurance-coverage-reality isn’t too pretty either.
      wtf
  • Legally transitioning is trickier

    • I guess I can understand why changing one’s birth certificate, social security card, and identifications have to be made ridiculously difficult. I mean, all these shady people stealing money or hiding from debt collectors, and Austin Powers, James Bond, and Archer are running around causing mischief as international spies… Honey, I only want to be called Brienna by the police when they pull me over because they think I don’t have a seatbelt on, and not get a side-eye from the more-than-occasional bartender or librarian.
      936613b2cfa7c940c8ba6e91a83b743d (1)
  • Dating seems impossible

    • At least dating like any “normal” (aka cisgender) girl seems impossible. Not only does it feel incredibly unsafe to broadcast being trans to strangers (oh hello!) on a dating app, but even coming clean about being trans on the first date or within the first ten messages, doesn’t always bear the most beautiful fruit. I know that I for one am ruling out straight men.
      trans dating

The Best: the Pros

  • Sometimes you’ll feel like a goddess

    • It happened after I had read Leslie Feinberg’s  work, diving into third genders in other cultures. In the past trans women have been the guardians of culture, of gods, of kings, and of secrets and teachings. That history in addition to my own and the knowledge of all that I’ve overcome makes for a lot to be proud of. Sometimes, just knowing that you’re strong enough to carry on against all odds, makes you feel superhumanly powerful.
      runway
  • It’s a huge weight off of your shoulders

    • What was once an insuperable secret is now your personal achievement. You once gasped and groaned at the thought of telling anyone at all. Now, you might be a little proud, or at least, accustomed to coming out now, so it’s no biggie!
      relief.gif
  • All the a******* make themselves known

    • They’ll be easier to avoid! Even before you’re out of the closet young trans-awan, you’ve surely come across these bigots. They don’t even need to open their mouths sometimes! Sometimes their face says it all.
      she-came-that-way
  • Nothing feels better than the truth

    • Unless you’re on the receiving end of some bad news truth, the truth is always good. Hearing it and sharing it feels amazing! Being authentic, being true to yourself, living and standing in your truth, feels amazing, and you have to remember that in the end; that’s all that matters. You were honest. They were jerks. You were real. All those friends that stopped talking to you were fake.
      bailey-jay

As of this moment, no one has stopped and harassed me in a bathroom or locker room yet. However, once that happens, because I feel, statistically speaking, it will, I will post that into the “Cons” section in a follow-up piece. Until then:

giphy

There may be more to this in the future as topics arise and memories are spurred to the forefront of my mind. For the time being though, this is it. So thanks for reading; comments are off, message me!

giphy (1)

Winsome, Losesome

This is super candid, so per the content’s candor, for myself, the comments on this post will be turned off. If there are any questions that arise from this, readers can always send me a message and even link this post to the text if they feel they must. This was in part inspired by the Daily Post’s prompt of the day for Jan. 6: Winsome.

This Is Me:

https://www.instagram.com/p/BdnlGvDj-YK/?taken-by=briennaparsons

I’m pretty winsome, right? Wait, if you didn’t look it up earlier, but want to now, this is the definition of winsome: “attractive or appealing in appearance or character.” So, I ask you again — obvi for my ego — am I winsome?

I hope so! I didn’t always look this darn cute. In fact, although it’s not #ThrowbackThursday or #TransformationTuesday, I’m going to share with my readers a photo that I certainly wouldn’t put up as my profile pic now. Well, here’s the damned thing:

me_2012

Also, so you know, because it’s Saturday, every time I curse in this post I also do that Catholic cross-thingy, just because. One Saturday afternoon I started doing it, just to keep track of how often I cuss, and it kind of stuck. I do weird things like that because they’re fun, but I feel like there could be some seriousness about it too.

I’m not religious, although I probably should be, seeing as I’ve been told I’m “going to hell” more often than “what pronouns do you prefer?” For different reasons, I’m not interested in caring how people feel about my gender identity. Yet for some reason, I care about how trans people are treated in general; like it’s one thing if you’re attacking me, but if you’re coming for a slew of people, whether it’s because their darker complexion, their sexuality, or their gender, that’s what really sets me off.

That’s why I love M.I.A, as much as I do — fun fact, one of the few artists I have actually felt speaking to me. She grew up as a refugee in Britain and struggled to become the artist she is today, but instead of really just sitting high on her laurels, she’s pushed boundaries and made enemies of powerful people to make a point: we’re all refugees in a way. She, of course, speaks mostly about those in real, forced diaspora, and not really about those that only feel as if outside of their homelands.

The digression was necessary because there’s always that song, or that artist, or that person or group, or activity, that keeps us going.

To many, it may be a mystery what could keep even one such as myself going. There have been times when even a funny, decently intelligent, and normatively attractive person, as I believe I am, have had trouble keeping optimistic about sharing this beautiful life with anyone. There have been times when I have been metaphorically ousted from my home. Such as those early moments when I came to realize what my feelings meant, at least to me. When those same feelings, of being someone different than who I was raised to be, made me doubt reality, made me fear my surroundings, made me question things much more deeply. And when I finally came out and became whom I saw myself to be, losing those that made life feel like home. Losing partners, friends, and even not getting calls returned by family members, can probably feel like seeing one’s home pushed away from them in warfare.

As another aside, I want to point out that people aren’t inherently good. Nor are they inherently bad. Life is a bitch but I hear that having refugees as neighbors is great.

I’m not always a great neighbor. I don’t really care about anyone. Not because I don’t want to, I really do, but I’ve been hurt a lot. I can’t help it. I can’t help but put myself out there. Like that saying: don’t let anyone dim your light” or whatever. My light shines pretty brightly, for some reason. That’s okay with me, and I like the way that I am. Others do too, and I like that even more! Yet, that appreciation, if turned upside down, hurts more than anyone that could simply say: “you suck!” I’d prefer that. Enemies. No problem. Frenemies. Crap. 

I hope that my readers become my friends. I’m also not afraid of frenemies. Only, be warned: I’ve definitely gone Super Saiyan.

super_saiyan_bri